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You’re Not Your Likes: Reclaiming Your Online Confidence 

Written by Davinia Marie Muscat
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Social media can be a fun way to share moments and stay in touch, but it can also quietly turn into a scoreboard. When likes, views, and comments start to feel like a verdict on who you are, confidence can rise and fall with every notification. This article is about gently stepping back from that scoreboard and reconnecting with your own sense of worth.  

What likes are really doing to you 

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A “like” is tiny, but your brain treats it as a little hit of approval. Feeling good when people respond to what you share is completely human.

 

The difficulty starts when: 

  • Your mood depends on how a post performs. 

  • You delete posts that “don’t do well”, even if they felt genuine. 

  • You feel pressure to post things that are not really you, just to get attention. 

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Many young people describe a “high” when numbers shoot up and a real “low” when they don’t. Over time, this rollercoaster can leave you more anxious, more self-conscious, and less sure of what you actually like about yourself.  

Question 1: How do likes affect my mood? 

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Try watching yourself after you post something.

 

  • If likes come in quickly, do you feel taller, braver, more “enough”? 

  • If they are slower or fewer than you hoped, does your mood drop, even if nothing else has changed in your day? 

  • Do you catch yourself checking the numbers again and again, even when you know they will not have changed much? 

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You might start to notice patterns, like: 

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  • “I feel great… until I start comparing my numbers with someone else’s.” 

  • “If a post doesn’t do well, I feel silly or embarrassed, even if I liked it before.” 

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Noticing this is not about blaming yourself. It is about seeing where your confidence is being handed over to an app. 

Question 2: Am I posting for connection or approval? 

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Before you post, ask yourself: 

  • “If nobody could see the like count, would I still share this?” 

  • “Am I sharing because it feels honest, or because I hope it will prove something – about how I look, what I own, who I’m with?” 

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Posting to express yourself or keep in touch is very different from posting to win a silent competition. When the main goal is approval, it becomes harder to enjoy your own life without imagining how it looks to everyone else.

 

You might notice: 

  • Some posts feel like “this is me”. 

  • Others feel like “this is who I think I’m supposed to be online”. 

 

Leaning more towards the first kind is one way of reclaiming confidence. 

Exercise: One day without checking the numbers 

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Try this simple experiment and see what it shows you about your relationship with likes.

 

Step 1 – Set your intention 

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Pick one day and decide in advance: 

  • “Today, I’m not going to check likes, views, or comments on anything I post.” 

You can still share if you want to – but the focus is on what feels real, not what performs. 

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Step 2 – Share from the inside out 

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If you do post that day: 

  • Choose things that feel genuine to you – a thought, a moment, a piece of art, something that made you laugh. 

  • Before you hit “share”, ask: “Would I still value this even if nobody reacted?” 

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Step 3 – Park the temptation 

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To make it easier not to check: 

  • Move the app off your home screen or use app timers so you only open it at set times. 

  • If you accidentally see the number, gently look away and remind yourself: “Today is not about that.” 

 

Step 4 – Reflect at the end of the day 

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Write or think about: 

  • How often did I want to check the numbers? 

  • What emotions came up when I stopped myself? (Curiosity, anxiety, relief?) 

  • Did posting feel different when the goal was expression rather than approval? 

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This exercise is not about never looking at metrics again. It is about proving to yourself that you can have an online presence without your worth riding on the numbers. 

Building confidence beyond the screen 

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Likes will always rise and fall, but your value does not.

 

Confidence grows when you: 

  • Spend more time doing things you care about offline (hobbies, movement, creativity, time with people who know you). 

  • Choose online spaces where you feel safe to be yourself, not just polished and perfect.  

  • Talk to someone you trust if social media is making you feel small, jealous, or constantly not good enough. 

 

Your posts are snapshots, not your whole story. You are more than your best photo, your worst comment, or your quietest post of the week. 

When to reach out for help 

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It may be time to ask for support if: 

  • Your mood swings strongly based on how posts perform. 

  • You feel “not good enough” most of the time and social media makes that louder. 

  • You are changing how you look, act, or what you share mainly to get reactions online.  

 

We offer training and reflective workshops on online wellbeing, as well as sessions on the risks and dangers people face online today. These can be tailored for schools, youth groups, organisations, and professionals who support young people.

 

If you or someone you know is in a risky or distressing situation online, you can call Supportline 179, Malta’s free 24/7 helpline, for support and guidance.  

Additional reading 

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